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Sugar Cum: Florida Company Creates Pill to Make Your Spunk Taste Sweet | Miami New Times
Sugar Cum: Florida Company Creates Pill to Make Your Spunk Taste Sweet | Miami New Times
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Sugar Cum: Florida Company Creates Pill to Make Your Spunk Taste Sweet By Abel FolgarThu., Nov. 6 2014 at 12:05 PM It's unfortunate that this deep into the future of 2014, American society at large still suffers from sexual reprehensions and taboos long shed by more progressive societies. Here at Cultist we can't ignore the psychological ills of a sexually repressed society, and we do our part by concentrating on other forms of pleasure. However, while some might consider this particular blog more appropriate for the experienced and more skilled hands of the Dan Savage school of writers, this new product, cheekily part of the "eating" experience unfortunately falls slightly outside of our food section's bailiwick. There are plenty of products out there; largely unchecked and untested, making wild claims running the gamut of strength, vitality, lasting-power, enlargement and heightened sensibility. Snake oils and magic beans mostly but HîPleasures' newest product, the "Sugar Cum" pill, is in a league all its own. The company's product is certainly not the first of its kind on the market but its South Florida roots are a source of sexual pride. HîPleasures is the brainchild of adult product manufacturer Brittani Feinberg and the first in a line of sex enhancements the company will be producing. The buzz has already been picked up by publications like Jezebel, Gizmodo and Vice magazine; the latter with an interesting and oftentimes funny research-and-development take by openly gay staff writer Mitchell Sunderland which we advise you click on at your own risk if homosexuality and Earl Grey teas are issues that make you uncomfortable. So what is "Sugar Cum?" Like all products of this nature, let's begin the explanation ambiguously. As stated on their site, "Sugar Cum is an all-natural pill used to invigorate anyone's sexual experience. The ingredients are 100 percent all natural, safe, and even nutritionally beneficial for you. Yes, that's right, you could see a marked improvement in your health just from taking Sugar Cum." It goes on to explain that it is a sweetener for both men and women. This does not mean that it will turn your normally grouchy partner into the most dulcet and docile person on the planet but rather -- and here comes the crassness (no pun intended) -- it'll make their "secretions" sweet. That's right folks, through the miracle of Sugar Cum you'll never need to worry about how you taste in the love down below when things go extremely well in the bedroom or kitchen. Eat responsibly! Eat with confidence! It has long been known that dietary choices influence the taste of gonads with garlic and pineapple being popular choices for varying degrees of effect but Sugar Cum portends to ensure a happy and pleasant tasting experience whenever it is used. If Sunderland's report is to be trusted, Jamba Juice might want to jump in on this for intellectual rights. In the meantime, we can't shake the image of a very young Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem enjoying themselves in Bigas Lunas' delightful Spanish allegory Jamón Jamón or the egg yolk scene between Kōji Yakusho and Fukumi Kuroda in Juzo Itami's masterful ramen western, Tampopo. Sugar Cum's recipe revolves around a blend of wheatgrass, cinnamon, pineapple, açaí and papaya; the latter one a sure chuckle-inducer for our slangy Spanish speakers. Like all products of this nature, one should be aware that its use is not preventative of pregnancy and STD risks, so employ it in a safe and responsible manner. A package deal of five packets (ten pills each) is currently available for $19.99 here. While products like this will not shake the foundations of sexual repression, they might help in preventing situations like Chris Rock's fourth wall break in the film CB4 and you know exactly what scene we're talking about. |