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The crap is wrong with my car?!

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What my TL just started doing is scaring me to shit right now. I don't get any throttle response until my foot is planted/I'll suddenly lose all throttle response while traveling at highway speeds. It's terrifying, not to mention i now have a bad neck due to the car suddenly lurching forward when getting throttle response only at full throttle, and when the car loses and regains throttle response at speed.

The only temporary fix seems to be switching TCS off, and knocking the gear selector over to manual mode. Oh, and the car won't do it around the guys at the dealership, and i'm not as mechanically educated as i'd like to be, so i cant figure this out myself. Plz help before my car kills me.

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